Im at a place where im ready to grow. Not as an individual but as an organisation.
Iv been at this place I must admit- for a very long while, yet unlike many others in my line of work I really have not found myself in a big rush to grow. The thought of growth and expansion intimidates me.
The thought of having my work, my dreams and vision tried and tested in the icy furnaces of huge ruthless highly experienced professionals organisations aka donor funders lol, who appear to know everything I dont and have infinite access to resources (monetary and all other) I dont even exist and have e power to make or break me once im in... all that really intimidates me.
And then there's the other hand and this perhaps terrifies me to a point of complete paralysis. Aka procrastination. Letting my.beneficiaries, my children, their families the communities I serve- letting them down is my greatest fear. I simply would not be able to live with myself if it turned out to be one of those NGOs - the type that suddenly pack up n leave. Leaving behind despair and desperation, betrayal and pain, hopelessness and emptiness that destroys hearts deep and robs communities of their dignity, faith and humanity. Its not right. And its not fair. Whatever the reasons.
And so I just never want to be the cause of such.
How.does this relate to my fear of growth. Like this- in my mind I see massive potential for the FACEZ model to go national within a second benefiting corporates and benefitting communities. I see it being easily used as a continental template to help and address so many issues even beyond education by simply bringing local groups together to give coordinatedly towards a cause n a goal.
I just worry that circumstances -whether the local givers' or the international donors, might change and that change resulting in the incapacitation of e entire huge amazing operation.
I guess small is safe. Small feels safe. 95 kids under FACEZ sponsorship, MY sponsorship is seen as a big success. For me its an amazingly tall order. One I pray for strength to meet every time.
I guess I feel like I cud handle the heart break of letting down a handful of kids momentarily knowing that becoz there is only a few I can run around and make a plan. Having to let down say 4000 children all looking to me for support; I may not handle. Having to watch 1million children risk dropping out of school because I have failed to make ends meet? Now that might just kill me. Or leave me in so much pain id have to live in hiding, guilt and shame for the rest of my life.
This thing is really my heart. Its The reason I believe I was put.on earth and allowed such grace n mercy to still be alive.
And so like I said earlier, I really am probably very different from many of the other people operating in my sector.
Yet I am learning more and more every day the power of synery of networks of collaboration and of organised effort towards development.
I have a very hands on DIY Approach. On everything including financing. I have personally invested over $4000 dollars (and this is a rough cash donation estimate that leaves out e cost of my time and fuel and expertise and commitment) I simply believe. In what im doing and know that not even a cent can ever be considered wasted on the lives I have invested in for bright futures.
No comments:
Post a Comment