Talking death with our guardians

THE GUARDIANS need to talk about loss and grief too.

So they had their own sessions separate from the children where they learned

- how to identify the changes in a child caused by loss and grief and mourning

- how to deal with those changes

- how to help restore the child to their former self as a process after loss and mourning.

Each parent shared their story talking about their own childs experiences for those who had lost spouses or about their nieces and nephews or friends children who they had guardianship over after the death of the children's parents. When one spoke the others listened so intently. I saw nods of agreement, heard sighs of acknowledged hardships, and saw in many faces identification of shared challenges and pain. 

ABUSE is a repulsive deceptive intruder that seems to always find its way into a child's life during times death and loss ans grief.
I was numbed by the number of times I heard that some of my children had been abused in one way or another as a result of orphanhood.
It cut deep to hear the parents retelling some of the statements and questions spoken and asked by the children.

"I don't belong anywhere"

"The kids at school wont play with me because I have no parents"

"I will die alone in this world"

"I am a vagabond"

"Why do you take care of me anyway?"

"Please dont ever leave me or send me away"

It was heartbreaking yet as they shared,  discussed in smaller groups and presented their findings you could see the scales fall from their eyes. You could tell they were maybe for the first time realising the effects of death and grief on the children they are looking after and realising that they have a big role in ensuring that the damages caused by death and grief are not permanent on a child. 
You could see them realising that they have perhaps the biggest stake in restoring the orphaned child emotionally, psychologically, mentally and even physically to a place of happiness, identity, stability and security in themselves, their lives and their futures.

And in that session we saw the guardians embrace that responsibility in a new way. #beautiful

We also covered the important issues like when to tell a child they are orphaned, and how and why to do it. And How to deal with the repercussions.

It was truly #lifechanging.

★That's true mentorship.  That's true impact.  Thats true #CHANGE.

★Starting with families, to change communities, and then cities and then nations. 

School Holidays are no holidays

While the kids take a much needed break our office goes into top gear preparing for reporting and accountability as well as activities for the next term. 

Its important that the relevant authorities and stakeholder always be abreast of what you are  doing, where you have come from and where you are going.  Their support is priceless. I talk about this at every consultation and mentoring appointment I have because I learned the hard way how imperative community and more importantly authority buy in is. No matter how noble your cause and how good your intention.
I'm also writing a guide for start up charities where I will expand on this*

Off course collection of report cards, tallying of payments and review of new cases is a key part of holiday work. Sponsors need to know that their contribution is effectively improving a child's education and therefore improving there chances at a better life and better future; and as a result -our chances at a better nation.

*GET YOUR COPY OF OUR NEWSLETTER
email:
info@facez.co.sw

Or subscribe on our website:  www.facez.co.zw

What we see during the term is largely the results of the work put in during holidays. Planning ahead is Working smart. Working smart means that you dont need to be highly strung and super stressed or over staffed to host flawless activities and pull off exciting project events. 

We have lined up this term

- mentorship sessions 7
- a 2nd field trip
- guardian empowerment program workshop 2/2014
- the annual Fun Day

Looking forward to having more young people volunteer and learn the value of . giving back. 

Balancing Passion and Professionalism for true Development

Im at a place where im ready to grow. Not as an individual but as an organisation. 
Iv been at this place I must admit- for a very long while, yet  unlike many others in my line of work I really have not found myself in a big rush to grow. The thought of growth and expansion intimidates me.
The thought of having my work, my dreams and vision tried and tested in the icy furnaces of huge ruthless highly experienced professionals organisations aka donor funders lol, who appear to know everything I dont and have infinite access to resources (monetary and all other) I dont even exist and have e power to make or break me once im in... all that really intimidates me.

And then there's the other hand and this perhaps terrifies me to a point of complete paralysis.  Aka procrastination.  Letting my.beneficiaries, my children, their families the communities I serve-  letting them down is my greatest fear.  I simply would not be able to live with myself if it turned out to be one of those NGOs - the type that suddenly pack up n leave. Leaving behind despair and desperation, betrayal and pain, hopelessness and emptiness that destroys hearts deep and robs communities of their dignity, faith and humanity. Its not right.  And its not fair. Whatever the reasons.
And so I just never want to be the cause of such.

How.does this relate to my fear of growth.  Like this- in my mind I see massive potential for the FACEZ model to go national within a second benefiting corporates and benefitting communities.  I see it being easily used as a continental template to help and address so many issues even beyond education by simply bringing local groups together to give coordinatedly towards a cause n a goal.

I just worry that circumstances -whether the local givers' or the international donors, might change and that change resulting in the incapacitation of e entire huge amazing operation. 

I guess small is safe. Small feels safe. 95 kids under FACEZ sponsorship, MY sponsorship is seen as a big success.  For me its an amazingly tall order. One I pray for strength to meet every time.
I guess I feel like I cud handle the heart break of letting down a handful of kids momentarily knowing that becoz there is only a few I can run around and make a plan.  Having to let down say 4000 children all looking to me for support; I may not handle.  Having to watch 1million children risk dropping out of school because I have failed to make ends meet? Now that might just kill me. Or leave me in so much pain id have to live in hiding, guilt and shame for the rest of my life.
This thing is really my heart. Its The reason I believe I was put.on earth and allowed such grace n mercy to still be alive.

And so like I said earlier, I really am probably very different from many of the other people operating in my sector.

Yet I am learning more and more every day the power of synery of networks of collaboration and of organised effort towards development.

I have a very hands on DIY Approach.  On everything including financing. I have personally invested over $4000 dollars (and this is a rough cash donation estimate that leaves out e cost of my time and fuel and expertise and commitment) I simply believe. In what im doing and know that not even a cent can ever be considered wasted on the lives I have invested in for bright futures. 

ArT for DEVELOPMENT #OrigamiArt #exposure #fun

So we had two lovely young ladies who were visiting Zimbabwe from their home Australia come in and volunteer their time and skills.

One lesson I continue to learn is the power and advantage of networking~ 

They do say that YOUR NETWORK = your NET WORTH ☆☆

I met these two lovely ladies through their mother - yes their mother. A lovely, intelligent, warm woman who's based in Zimbabwe due to her husband's work. She was helping work on mentorship material for the individuals who continue to come to me for guidance on how to start up and or run their charitable initiatives. I will touch on this in a future post. 

Anyway her daughters were soon coming down and she thought they might like to spend time with my kids...

The rest is history :) •••

••• This session was one of the most chilled, easy going, fun sessions we've had yet.

After overcoming their initial shock and intrigue at the white skinned young ladies presence the kids got comfortable and warmed up to the kind, gentle open spirits displayed by the volunteers. 

#EXPOSURE is everything I believe.
                   And I want my children to get as much of it as possible as soon as possible too:

Exposure is often the difference between
■ Confidence and timidity
□ Knowledge and ignorance
■ Warmth and hostility
□ Culturedness and ill manneredness
■ Self worth and Arrogance
□ bold innovation and limited thinking

Zimbabwe's children need exposure.

Besides the two Australian ladies we also had local Xtreme Team facilitators present as well as a lovely young lawyer lady.

Its not easy taking 52 children through the meticulous, step by step formation of paper cranes. Origami birds.
But the ooh s and aah s and frantic happy flapping of the birds wings at the end  of the session made the exhausting exercise worthwhile.

We also wanted to make sure that each child goes home actually knowing how to make a paper crane on their own. Perhaps with the ambition of making a thousand paper cranes, as they heard in the story of the little ill Japanese girl who was told that if she made 1000 birds her wish her for good health would be granted.

One can make origami birds, dogs, flowers, frogs almost anything and Origami besides being lots of fun is actually known to exercise the brain cells and is a good practice for coordination and intellect.

I don't know if I would ever be driven to create one thousand paper birds out of passion, or for brain exercise or even out of boredom!!  but I do know that origami is a worth while art form that brings out beautiful little pieces worth keeping.

im glad my children have learnt how they too can become Japanese art artists.

♥♥

Why discuss death with orphaned children

Why discuss the death of a parent with the child they leave behind?
GRIEF, MOURNING, LOSS

#FACEZ Mentorship Session 4/2014 - Friday 13 June

I was extremely wary of this session on loss grief and mourning when its time came a few weeks ago. The volunteers and i had no idea what to expect and how to expect the children to respond to opening up about their experiences with the loss of loved ones. Some children have literally lost everybody.

I seriously applaud Xtreme Teams our sessions facilitators and partners for their specialized knowledge and expert child development skills.

Without writing as essay il try to summarise the fun but amazingly important exercises that taught me and the children the simple principles of life, and death, and dealing.

The session began with a fun exercise where the children were all blindfolded, split into groups and given a "shepard" whom they were to follow like sheep. 
Our little blind sheep were then told to follow their shepard using the sound of his voice alone. They marched around the school grounds guided by a voice and each other. They eventually arrived at an area where rope had been tied around various trees (waist height) situated close together forming and endless web of rope.  They were put to hold e rope with both hands and were told to let go only when they found and reached the end of the rope. Which you have already guessed - did not exist.  The alternative given was to call out "I need help!" if and when they felt they couldn't find the end alone.

■■ These two exercises amid laughter, excitement, fear and frustration and jokes taught the kids that one cannot make it alone in life. 

So many situations put us in the dark and sometimes TRUST in the person leading you is the only way to get out of the dark or to a better safer place. It also showed that sometimes although we feel in the dark alone there may be others In the same situation whose hands we can hold and whose help we can use to make it through the dark patches of life together.

And many times we allow ourselves to continue to struggle and toil trying to figure our how to reach the end of the rope, how to exit the webs of confusion, pain and bad experiences when there is almost always an alternative - a person you can CALL OUT TO FOR HELP - a person who's standing on the outside having overcome the same experience you now battle with. 
We learnt that we dont have to struggle alone and we learnt that we must seek help when we need it and not suffer in solitude...

These are literally are all lessons the children themselves deduced from the exercises during the post activity discussion.  It was amazing to watch and learn from.

What now remained for us was to pin point WHO WHERE HOW and WHEN a child can trust and turn to.  and who they should cry out to and HOW. We made the children aware of the facilities and people available to help them in the school and in their community.

Guardians on their own and separately were taught how to BE APPROACHABLE,  how to REACT, how to be CONFIDENTIAL, how to HELP and who and how to REFER children they have identified to be in danger or in need.

#powerfulstuff

And that was just the first two activities...

You really have to have  been there to absorb the full experience. 

We later played ball games linked to painful and negative emotions which allowed the children to express their understanding of particular emotions and tell of a time and instances when they had felt those emotions. 
Many spoke about death, loss, stigma, being misunderstood, rejection, lack, illness and insecurity about their futures.

Although lightened by the gentle tossing of balls;
This exercise was sobering. 
Each child s sincerity was piercing. 
The similarity in experiences and pain was eye opening to us (on the issues most pertinent for us to address) and eye opening to the kids as they formed a bond in learning that they are indeed not alone.
You could also see them finding confidence in themselves and each other; finding a new boldness with which to face the rest of the world, and a security in sharing the strength of solidarity commonality and in knowing they arent weird or cursed or worthless or unwanted or destined for failure because they definitely ARE NOT ALONE.

#wow

What a session !!

Wow. We never would have imagined a session on Grief,  Loss and Mourning could have been so #special. So enlightening and so uplifting. !! EVERYBODY left a slightly different person.  Life - changing is what it was.  I can't wait to share the details.

★ Pics and short videos to follow soon!!★

SPECIAL THANKS to our amazing partners and lead facilitators Team Xtreme as well as the awesome #volunteers who the #children love, admire and aspire to be like. Your presence makes a world of a #difference.

**educating our nation
                                 ... one child at a time

Grief Mourning & Loss

This weeks mentorship session will touch deep and hopefully ignite, or enhance the healing process that must take place in the life of anybody who has ever lost somebody they love. 
For our little ones at FACEZ dealing with grief and loss is often times the least of their concerns with Food, uniforms, friends, acceptance and love being the more immediate, desperate desires.

It breaks my heart. 

In an interview with one child who lost her mother at 9 and never knew her father until his funeral the next year when she found herself living with relatives she had never met her entire life; I felt grief so heavy it took everything in me not to break down. Despite all she has been through when I asked what things she desired in life she told me two things: a birth certificate and friends. 

I learned that day from this beautiful soft spoken little lady the power of hope, determination and optimism.  She looked to the future with a forceful faith that told her things could and would get better
. She wanted friends so she could be happy in school and in her new neighbourhood. She wanted a birth certificate so she could write her grade 7 seven exams, pass and move onto high school when the time came. Passing in school meant she could live a better life she told me. I was in awe.

When I asked her what she remembered about her parents though, she felt silent. I gave her time. When she looked up again tears rolled down her cheeks. I don't think anyone has ever asked her that since the time of the two funerals and maybe even then she was never asked how she felt or how she was. I know our African culture teaches us to 'just be strong'. No concern for feelings. Yet these Feelings when conjured up by a total stranger (me) completely and uncontrollably overwhelmed her.

Grief is real. The loss of a parent can only be earth shattering.  To deny any child an opportunity to address these things is to deny them a fair chance at a wholesome life.

We're hoping that this session therefore teaches both the children and their guardians to let it all out, to address and experience their loss and grief and to find ways in which to cope with them until one day they are healed and then they can help the next person heal too.

We're praying for wisdom and sensitivity and grace. Special thanks to Xtreme Teams our qualified facilitators and mentorship partners for taking the lead on this important session.