Why discuss death with orphaned children

Why discuss the death of a parent with the child they leave behind?
GRIEF, MOURNING, LOSS

#FACEZ Mentorship Session 4/2014 - Friday 13 June

I was extremely wary of this session on loss grief and mourning when its time came a few weeks ago. The volunteers and i had no idea what to expect and how to expect the children to respond to opening up about their experiences with the loss of loved ones. Some children have literally lost everybody.

I seriously applaud Xtreme Teams our sessions facilitators and partners for their specialized knowledge and expert child development skills.

Without writing as essay il try to summarise the fun but amazingly important exercises that taught me and the children the simple principles of life, and death, and dealing.

The session began with a fun exercise where the children were all blindfolded, split into groups and given a "shepard" whom they were to follow like sheep. 
Our little blind sheep were then told to follow their shepard using the sound of his voice alone. They marched around the school grounds guided by a voice and each other. They eventually arrived at an area where rope had been tied around various trees (waist height) situated close together forming and endless web of rope.  They were put to hold e rope with both hands and were told to let go only when they found and reached the end of the rope. Which you have already guessed - did not exist.  The alternative given was to call out "I need help!" if and when they felt they couldn't find the end alone.

■■ These two exercises amid laughter, excitement, fear and frustration and jokes taught the kids that one cannot make it alone in life. 

So many situations put us in the dark and sometimes TRUST in the person leading you is the only way to get out of the dark or to a better safer place. It also showed that sometimes although we feel in the dark alone there may be others In the same situation whose hands we can hold and whose help we can use to make it through the dark patches of life together.

And many times we allow ourselves to continue to struggle and toil trying to figure our how to reach the end of the rope, how to exit the webs of confusion, pain and bad experiences when there is almost always an alternative - a person you can CALL OUT TO FOR HELP - a person who's standing on the outside having overcome the same experience you now battle with. 
We learnt that we dont have to struggle alone and we learnt that we must seek help when we need it and not suffer in solitude...

These are literally are all lessons the children themselves deduced from the exercises during the post activity discussion.  It was amazing to watch and learn from.

What now remained for us was to pin point WHO WHERE HOW and WHEN a child can trust and turn to.  and who they should cry out to and HOW. We made the children aware of the facilities and people available to help them in the school and in their community.

Guardians on their own and separately were taught how to BE APPROACHABLE,  how to REACT, how to be CONFIDENTIAL, how to HELP and who and how to REFER children they have identified to be in danger or in need.

#powerfulstuff

And that was just the first two activities...

You really have to have  been there to absorb the full experience. 

We later played ball games linked to painful and negative emotions which allowed the children to express their understanding of particular emotions and tell of a time and instances when they had felt those emotions. 
Many spoke about death, loss, stigma, being misunderstood, rejection, lack, illness and insecurity about their futures.

Although lightened by the gentle tossing of balls;
This exercise was sobering. 
Each child s sincerity was piercing. 
The similarity in experiences and pain was eye opening to us (on the issues most pertinent for us to address) and eye opening to the kids as they formed a bond in learning that they are indeed not alone.
You could also see them finding confidence in themselves and each other; finding a new boldness with which to face the rest of the world, and a security in sharing the strength of solidarity commonality and in knowing they arent weird or cursed or worthless or unwanted or destined for failure because they definitely ARE NOT ALONE.

#wow